E6. I change to Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut)
After that I meet lover becase she not bias my status. She do meditation in we's grope about one year. I help her for study and money. She faith in monk teacher very much. I fall in love but i have suffering becase i want go to monkhood all my life and i see in future if we will marry we will meet many trouble. Oh! I see my sin is very much. I want clean my heart without sin. When the time is to the lase i expect to do meditation with try until my heart is clean and not decrease my try if my heart is not clean. I start do meditation harshly until 7 day i have tense and my body is strict. I lie down on the bed and continuse do meditation until my sence is disappear fall in subconsciousness and dream . In my dream i am a monk and have many monk sitdown around the table. There is one glass has clean water in it. Suddenly i hear the monk say if who drink clean water in this glass the commandments of him is virgin. I hear that i pick the glass and drink water. when i lay the glass on the table. Many monk around table say that i drink alcohol. I feel sad very much i run to my monk's cell and push my minde until very deep include as point and still few minite. Suddenly my sence move from the deep point together shout out that “ I want is as Buddha. ” . when end of my shout the point is appear and have gold light it is same as i had. And the gold light point start move slowly. The gold light point move as 8 number or symbol of infinity with big size when complete round the gold light point move increase speed but the size is decrease. It run many round the speed is very more the size is smaller. Suddenly the point is blow up and has loud sound make my minde manage to get away from subconsciousness and know my body suddenly.
The nimit (my dream) make me decrease try. But i don't believe becase at my born until now i not dare hope is as Buddha. So when i think about this nimit i focus my sence at the think together think the word “ thinking, thinking,...” the think about the nimit disappear. Two month i am not interest the nimit. Oh! action becase i fall in love i can not focus my sence all time. Sumetime although i focus my sence but not overtake at the presence moment.
One day i and my friend say about Buddhist diety ( thai call Pra Potisut) . Then I remind my nimit and tell about nimit to them. Oh! The very gladness blow up from my minde. I can not stop the gladness and the hope is as Buddha. It blow up from the very deep of my minde. After day i can not control my minde is normal but i can control my say and my body. My minde want me to do something for hope is as Buddha in this life and my minde show about period of time that i make virtue. My minde know that i will is Buddha surely in the future. But i don't believe my minde. Becase the pass time until now i have many suffering so i use meditation stop my minde want and i hope nippan for switch off my suffering. Pass two month of fight i can not win my minde want. I and my minde include together push on me go to chedi which have Buddha's relics and pray that “ I will make very good virtue for is as Buddha”. Afther i pray my minde is not trouble becase i have not hesitate. But it is not enough for my minde it has as that i must know and do.
One day my girlfriend tell me that when she was little gril and play with sister and brother by she sitdown do as do meditation and say that “ If who want to know can ask me i can answer very thing”. My girlfriend say to me. Now she do conscientiously meditation two year ago sometime she can do it. I Ok but when doing she can not speak. After that She tell me. She's minde know that can connect minde of someone but she don't know how to speak. I say that “ If you lie down and lay you's minde calmly and don't interest my question. if you connect with another minde is truth you's head can shake or nod by you not commande you's head.”
We pay respect and i pray “ We invite the angel who know about my virtue. Please connect with my friend who lie down. When i ask question if truth please make friend's head is nod but if not truth please shake.” After that my friend lie down.
I start ask first question “ i make virtue for is as Buddha” my friend nod .
I ask continuse “ in this life i can nippan . Yes or no “. my friend shake her head.
I ask that “ The buddha yet not foretell me that i will is as the Buddha in future. Yes or no.” my friend shake her head.
I ask that “ The buddha was foretell me ago that i will is as the Buddha in future. Yes or no.” my friend nod.
I ask “ I am surely Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut). Yes or no. “ My friend nod.
When finish the doing my friend sitdown and she is surprised and tell me. She did not command to shake her head or nod. Her head shake or nod by itself. This event is one data for me to prove continuse.
After day i test that doing with another my friend who do meditation in we's grope. He don't know about i hope is as the Buddha. He allow doing by lie down and lay he's minde calmly and don't interest my question and not command to nod or shake he's head. I start pray same as ago. In first time ask normal question my friend nod or shake he's head.
When i ask that “ I am Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut). Yes or no” . My friend nod he's head.
When i ask that “ I am surely Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut) . Yes or no”. My friend nod but it is not normal.
And when i ask that “The buddha was foretell me ago that i will is as the Buddha in future. Yes or no”. My friend nod slowly.
When finish doing my friend is surprised and tell me. He's head shake or nod by itself. He not command it. And when i ask that “ I am surely Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut). Yes or no”. He want not nod or shake he's head. But he's head nod by itself. And when i ask “The buddha was foretell me ago that i will is as the Buddha in future. Yes or no”. At once he try very must not nod or shake he's head. But he can not try . It as have power make he's head is nod. This is second data for prove my status.
After that i ask monk teacher recall a perviouse of my life that the buddha was foretell me ago. Monk teacher tell me use my meditation see myself. I allow with monk teacher.
First i do meditation after that i pray “ the buddha was foretell me ago. Yes or no.”. suddenly appear palrn in front of my face and then fist . My minde know it is my destiny. Or it is my action.
Second, after day i think in the first it might someone make it happen. I must do again. I do meditation and then i pray “ i am surely Buddhist diety (Pra Potisut) and i will is Buddha in future sure. Yes or no.”. in the dark in front of my face suddenly has the door and then the door is open have light shine come in the dark. My minde know this way is open for me. I must walk to this way.
Although my dream and angel and my nimit from meditation tell me but it as not enough for me. So i yet ask monk teacher recall a perviouse of my life that the Buddha was foretell me ago or not.
When my friend who faith monk teacher from the beginning say that “Teacher please help him. if it succeed or not it's nothing.”.
Monk teacher agree and say “ i recall a perviouse of you's life if the Buddha was foretell you ago or not. You don't sad.”.
Suddenly i remember that i pray when i study in university 4 year ago. And tell monk teach “At once i pray when i study in university that i don't know i make virtue as whom in Buddhism. But now i have many suffering if i make virtue more than 2 per 3 i make virtue continuse but if less than i stop now. And i request for meet Pra Arrahun or Pra Anacame who has miracle ( has Apinya 5 ) please tell me about my virtue. I pray continuse 2 year and observe the 8 precepts one year”.
Monk teacher listen that then say “ Has must apinya 5 ?”
I say “ Can recall a perviouse of one's life all right.”.
Monk teacher say “Now You do meditation”.
I do meditation (close my eyes) but i think that monk teacher recall in your minde not about my minde . So i think about another such as plan for teach student. For a moment i hear monk teacher call my name “ Saim Saim”. I open my eyes then monk teacher say to me “Saim make your minde calmly i must recall from you's minde and you must not think and lay you's minde calmly. Do new.”
I surprised that monk teacher know about my heart. I close my eyes and lay my minde calmly. I don't think. A few minite i saw nimit (picture in minde) have one person who float in sky and then he point to me. And say that i am surely as him. Include time about 15 minite i hear voice from monk teacher “ Um! Gladness gladness ”. I open my eyes. I see monk teacher grope he's upper arm and point at upper arm then say “ See this! I have hair standing on end. Oh! People in farmer times is very big. You had foretell from the Buddha ago”.
I had very gladness and ask monk teacher “ i had foretell from now Buddha.”.
Monk teacher say “ You had not foretell from now Buddha. Therefore i recall a perviouse of you's life up to Pra Gussapa Buddha before now (Pra SamanaGodom Buddha).
I ask monk teacher “You see clearly or not ? And how is Pra Gussapa Buddha foretell for me ?”.
Monk teacher say “ I see as my eyes see. It clearly as see color televition. In that time you and you's girlfriend make merit with Pra Gussapa Buddha after that the Buddha teach every body in that. When teach finish the Buddha will going to and then the Buddha point to you which sitdown and foretell you will as His Majesty in the future.”.
Oh! My pray is not loss although i not interest or forget it ago. I do meditation and make merit continuse. After that i marry with my lover. Before marry i fear my lover's parent refuse to admit me. Becase in law my state is low. But when end of time everything is easy for we's marry.
After that i wish to know how many time in future i intuit and i am the Buddha. When my want know is increase i ask monk teacher see to future for me. Monk teacher say “Now is not complete”. After one month monk teacher go to the north of thailand for do meditation alone in winter by drop teach people and monk in Bangkok is 7 day. When monk teacher come back 3 or 4 day monk teacher tell me that now he is complete to see in future for me. Oh! Monk teacher try for me. After that monk teacher do meditation about 15 minite. And when monk teacher open eyes and say “ Saim Oh! It long time for you my meditation can not see reach that time. But you will as the Buddha surely in future. Not suspect.”.
We always do meditation at section 5 watt Mahatad Taprajun in end of term. At once when i do meditation then my sence include and deep and switch off. I assume it might is nippan. But i am not stick it. And when i say with monk teacher and tell him about this event. Monk teacher teach me that “If that event is nippan i must tell you that is nippan . But that is not nippan. That is you's meditation. And if you reach nippan you are must Buddha. But in one era has one Buddha can not have more than one. You are not suspect again”. Monk teacher restate “You are not suspect”. Becase monk teacher seem know in future i must suspect again.
Becase i want go to monkhood again. So i don't collect money and think for have family. I don't plan to make family. When i marry i have little money and my wife near finish study. My wife study in Ramkumhang more than 4 year. She study in accountancy program which it is not easy for finish. She have 30 unit or 10 subject at last term in 4 year which can finish study in one term. But 5 in 10 subject is very hard for accountancy program. My wife is not good study student. More than 5 year she can not pass 5 subject. I am tuter which teach statictis and mathermatic so i can not help my wife.
Now i am tuter 4 year. Everyone in Bangkok don't know about my law status. Tuter is freelance and have many office. When have many tuter thay must race each other. Oh! I walking to the end when owner office go out of business. So many tutue in office share investment for do business continue by vote manager who have many capital. In first term the manager pay for publicize very much. So many student study in my office more than ago until some subject study's room not enough for student in end of week. New manager see that he want to rent tenement house add and near the road which pay per month more than old tenerment house. He say that in this term add for publicize more than pass term it must have many student more than pass term. I don't vote for this think. But many tutue vote for this think. When he doing that but it is not expect becase have student same as pass term. Oh! Capital is finished it not enough for pay in next term. But new manager don't tell tutue. In this time after six month from marry my wife want to have child i say no but she always beg me until I allow her.
In new term managar pay money same as last term. So in middle term they have not money for publicize. He start have debt but student not increase. Nearly end of term manager tell everybody that next term will go out of business and he receive the dept alone but if someone continuse do business must receive this dept. Everybody point to me for do business continue. I worry little for the dept but i fear my law status more than which i can not stay in Bangkok. It may have someone stop me. And i must go home at Pattalung. I say no for do continuse. So the office is close. I teach in new office with my friend. But we teach same as subject. So i receive little money per month it not enough for my family. I can not find the another job becase status of law not allow me. My wife start has pregnant but she is not finish study i must do work alone. And in pass time i don't plan have family so i don't collect money for future. I have money for two or three month . When i receive little money per month it is not enough so the collect money is decrease becase we get it pay per month. I see that in the end of time i must go hone at Pattalung stay with my mother and father becase i have not money for stay at Bangkok. Thence i find for do work at father's home. I start study grow mushroom from book and test grow it. I plan and buy tool for grow mushroom. When end of term i tell cancle teach in office and we wait see result of my wife's examine. Oh! She pass the examine she finish study but she can not find job becase she has pergnant six month. I see many trouble in my father's house and the low of my status in this social. I don't want she receive and know about it. I tell her for choose go with me or stay with elder sister. She shoose go with me.
At the Pattalung province i start grow mushroom in father's house. After one month my money is end but i can sale mushroom 30 or 50 bath per day. I and my wife don't buy food becase we eat food with my mother. We always do merit and listen monk teach and do meditation. Now my wife can practise meditation connect with the spirit and can speak with me. Not nod or shake her head again. Oh! I can study about spirit's word. We study it many and many. Three month i start build hut for grow mushroom. But one region politician stop me becase it near he's cousin house. And My wife deliver a child. After she deliver a child 7 day we must separate even though we want live together. She must go to stay with her elder sister at Kornkan province. Oh! Badness.
I must stay at father' s home and grow mushroom in home have 30 – 50 bath per day. I bear do it 4 month i determin go to Bangkok. I beg money from mother 3000 bath. When at Bangkok i beg my friend for stay for a time. I am tuter again. But now my name is lost. I have few student study with me in one term. Oh! It not enough pay for food . I must not eat some meal for stay in Bangkok long time. I can not help and send money to my wife I live in this status 4 month.
When my friends who study with me in university open computer's school . They choose me for management and guard school by give me stay in school and pay me 3200 bath per month. I ok. I did not study computer in university. I can not teach computer. But my friends who study computer in university circulate teach in this computer school. So i try study computer for teach basic subject such as word lotus and debase. I tell my wife stay with me in Bangkok by she find work in Bangkok. When she has job. She and daughter stay with me in computer school.