E2 .My life in university
When I have question's paper I apply for Entran. But I know I can not pass Entran . Becase in one year I have not learn and not read book. So my hope is study in Ramkumhang University (R.U). Becase R.U is not test for Entran. At day I apply for study in R.U the officer see my paper. He's not receive but he bring me to meet director. The director see my paper and he say. “You paper is not complete. I allow you study in one year and you have not authority as student of university until you get permission's paper and assure to University.” I have yet remember name off director who give good chance for me. He mane Mr. Somshay noysume.
I study in Faculty of Science branch Physics. I plan finish study in tree year. Becase I pity my mother. Father always scold mother about my study in University. Mother must bear this and mother hide father to send money to me every month. I get 900 bath per monht. It is not enough. I must bear becase I chooses this way. When I go home in summer if my father strom me. He scold and lay off me out home. In one year I get study on schedule. I must hope grade “P” every subject becase I want finish study in three year. Sum subject I can do grade “G” but I don't try. Becase I devided time for another subject and surrounding is not good for me.
Oh! Big trouble is com to me. In one year I had not get permission paper from the Ministry of interior. I ask officer at the police station in my province. He say if the Ministry of interior permission me. They will send letter to my home. But from that time I don't get that letter ago.
In this time trouble around press me. I know if I don't protect my mind. I may sometime mad and sometime good. I dispost study for knowledge not hope another. I agree trouble and die for knowledge. I regard the Buddha and I think Dharma can help me. I conduct Hanapanasati every thime when I know myself. I divided time in one term out two part. First part of term about two month I read Dharma book in libraly. I don't read lesson book but I go to study every day. Second part of term I read lesson until exam.
I have suffering all time. I suspect and fear that someone can stop my study. If my suffering is as color. I have usually brown color. When I read dharma book I understand and have little delight. it is as in brown has point of white color. And my suffering is has black color in case.
After exam when I must see school record on bord in university. I feel fear that it is not my name on bord. Becase University may lay off me.
When register for study in new term. I feel fear very much that University not may allow me register for study.
In summer I go home at Pattalung province. And when end summer I must go to Bangkok for study new term in Ramkumhang University. At the rainway station in Pattalung province I wait the train for travel. All this time I feel fear very much becase the policeman can stop my travel and not allow me to study. Becase I have not permission paper. And the law disallow emigrate Vietnam go out from province control.
At home in summer when I stay at home in Pattalung father always swear me about my study. And My mother tell me that before the morning my father swear mother every day about with my study.
I have disease. I have pain at my wrist. In one month I have pain at my wrist one or two time. Symptom of my pain start swell at wrist and expand around. Oh! It has very pain. It pain all time. I have harrow very much. It pain in three or seven day. Some time I have pain at my neck. It pain at tendon with press on two siders my neck. It pain all time if I face about it pain very much. When I have pain at my wrist and at my neck. Oh! It is harrow very much very much. I must patient becase I have not bold go to clinice or hospital in bangkok. I fear they know my state and send me to police and stop my study.
I have trouble in two year. In two year I decrease trouble by read up dharma of Buddha in library. And conduct Hanapanasati when in case of 5 item. Which i read up Dharma in libraly. I meet the book about create ten virtues of Buddha or Buddhist saint. They create ten virtues many and many life for utility of many animal by not hope for individual. I think and compare with my. Oh ! My life have low state and many trouble and many suffering until nearly cann't bear. Always before sleep i worship the Buddha and i add pray that.
“I don't know i create virtues as whom. But now i have low state and many trouble and many suffering. I nearly can not bear. If i create virtues more than two per three i will create virtues continue. But if less than two per three i will stop. And i beg for meet with Buddhist sain or Pra Arnacame who have miracle tell about create virtues of me.”
I pray that two year and one year i try observe eight percepts. After two year i forget this pray becase i interest Vipassana meditation.
First year i stay with 12 friends whom come from Pattalung province by rent house. We share for rent house and for evening meal with money 450 bath pre person pre month. My mother send money 900 bath per month. So i have money 450 bath for two meal and very thing per month. In that time rice and one dishes in one plate price 5 bath but not had water for drink. In one day i pay 10 bath for two meal. I pay 300 bath per month for two meal per day but no water and no sweet and no fruit. I have 150 bath for bus and another. It is enough for my body. In rent house we share the housework. And change hands to make evening meal. Who make evening meal must go to the market buy very thing for evening meal for 13 person.
First year In university sometime Potilunk's monk (monk in Thai call Pra) who set up Santihashok group come to Ramkumhang university for teach practice the Dharma in method of him. I ever talk with Pra Potilunk one by one. But I do't forrow him becase Potilunk teach focus no eat meat of annimal.
In second year becase in rent house i have not table for write and read book and i meet my friend come from my region. He persuade me stay with him at he's home. He has home becase he's father and mother buy home for him study in university. I say ok. And stay with him one term. After that i beg mother send money 1,200 bath per month. Becase if i stay with my this friend i can not finish study in three year. I want rent dormitory near the university. My mother agree. I pay 450 bath per month for dormitory. I have 750 bath for food and another. I beg little cook rice pot from elder sister. In morning i cook rice for two meal with this pot and put one egg in it and buy one dishes. Morning meal i eat rice with one dishes remain rice and little one dishes and one egg for another meal after come from study.
Sometime I go to Buddha society in university. But it is Tummakay society. Becase all member like Watt Tummakay and induce everybody who enter in society go to watt Tummakay. Tummakay's member speak sweet. I surprised in speak sweet becase I come from region. I think I can not resist to speak sweet. But if I always go to watt Tummakay I might speak sweet.
I go to watt tummakay by Tummakay's bus which free in weekend. I perform with Tummakay as pray. But I can not practice meditation's method of Tummakay. Becase I practice Hanapanasati is many year. Therefore I practice Hanapanasati at watt Tummakay. I like watt Tummakay becase have tree and shady. One day I know that can ask about Dharma with Pra Tuttasevo one by one. I ask Pra Tuttasevo that I read up Dharma in libraly. The Buddha teach focus on Trilunk. (Trilunk is the rule off matural have three item as follows 1.Anijung 2.tookkang 3.Anutta) as follows 1.Anijung that is transform not enduring 2. Tookkang that is can not stand on end 3.Anutta that is not stick. Why watt Tummakay teach stick to focus on point cricular glass in middel body. It is not allow asTrilunk. Pra Tuttasevo tell me go to ask Pra Tummasayo who is abbot of watt Tummakay. I go to and ask pra Tummasayo same as ask Pra Tuttasevo. Pra Tummasayo say with me that . “You read up much and know much. But you same as fish and I same as terrapin which fish live in water terrapin can stay in water and land. One day fish ask terrapin that what have it on top of mountain. Although terrapin can stay on land but it not yet go to the top of mountain. The terrapin will must go to top of mountain first. Therefore It will can tell the fish.” then I listen pra Tummasayo say I understand that. Pra tummasayo seeking for the Dharma and I likewise. But Pra Tummasayo stick in this form . After day I don't go to watt tummakay again.
When I study in Ramkumhang university second year. I have start has group friend who study in Faculty of Science. But I have one special friend becase when I say about Dharma he listen me. And he interest meditation. My special friend is name Kug
I study and pass an exam allow my plan. Three year in second term in university that I nearly finish study . One day after I read book. I go to sleep and I dream there is the sun soar over my face that I lie down. The sun soar below and sun light is increase. Sun light is very much when the sun near my face until i have sting my eye. I can not bear then I open my eyes. it is as real.(in Thai call Nimit). After day my special friend(Mr. Kug) tell me. There is one friend who stay in boarding house. He go to practice meditation at section 5 watt Mahatad Taprajun.(Temple in thai call watt). He practice meditation 7 day. Mr. Kug induce me go to practice meditation at watt Mahatad Taprajun in next summer. At one I have not decided. But then Mr. Kug say The period practice meditation eat and stay is free. I agree with him becase at time I very poor.